Growing up in a Muslim household incorporates a lot of things derived from Islamic traditions- ‘Respect for Parents and Elders’ is one of them. Whether it is your Imam telling you to respect your parents while teaching you the Quran or your school teachers reiterating the same with a worldly perception, it is considered to be a moral value to treat our parents with respect, obey them and follow their instructions.
However, Islam also talks about the rights and treatment of children by their parents. While the obligations of children upon their parents are manifold, parents also have certain responsibilities that they must fulfill.
Here are some of the responsibilities you should try to cover as a Muslim parent-
1. Showing Love and Affection Towards your Children
In today’s world, where both parents and children are becoming busy in their own lives, showing love and affection towards each other is slowly fading. However, our Prophet (PBUH) showed great mercy towards children. He instructed people to treat children with love and adoration.
A hadith in Sahih Muslim narrated that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was kissing his grandchild, Al-Hassan. Upon seeing this, a companion of the Prophet said, “I have ten children and have never kissed any of them.” Our Prophet (PBUH) replied, “God will not have mercy on a person who does not have mercy on others.”
Another instance in Sahih Bukhari was when a Bedouin asked the Prophet if he kissed his sons. The Prophet responded, “Yes.” The Bedouin said, “We do not.” The Prophet said to him, “What can I do for you if Allah has removed mercy from your heart?”
2. Being Patient with your Children
Patience is one of the most important teachings of Islam. Just like in every other relation, the Prophet guides us to be patient with our children as well.
Anas Ibn Malik was a young boy when he was bestowed the honour of serving our Prophet. It is narrated in Sahih Bukhari that during the 10 years of the service provided by Anas R.A., the Prophet did not once reprimanded or scolded him. He himself said, “I served the Prophet s.a.w for ten years, and he never said to me, ‘Uff’ (a minor harsh word denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, “Why did you do so or why didn’t you do so?”
It is very common for children to make mistakes since they are still discovering the difference between good or bad. Scolding them for every little thing, however, is not the only solution. Making Dua for your children is highly encouraged in Islam.
3. Showing Them the Path of Truth and Teaching Them about the Deen
In one of the Hadith, it was reported that the Prophet said, “The best thing a father provide to his child is good manners and ethical training.”
Apart from providing food and shelter to your children, you must also imbibe in them the teachings of the Quran and the Prophet. Nevertheless, if you have offered them your best and they still decide to go astray, it is not your fault.
The Prophet said, “May Allah bless the parents who trained their children to behave justly with them.” (Makarim al akhlaq, p. 517)
You should also teach them the values of honesty, justice, equality, and respect. Parents must always strive to make their children grow into pious adults.
4. Treating your Children Equally
It is not unusual for Muslim parents to be biased toward their children, favoring one over the other and comparing them with regards to their potential. All of this was disliked by Prophet Muhammad. He taught us to treat all our children equally, regardless of their gender.
It was narrated from An-Nu’man that his father brought him to the Prophet to bear witness to a present that he gave to him. He said: “Have you given all your children a present like that which you have given to him?” He said: “No.” He said: “I will not bear witness to anything. Will it not please you if they were all to treat you with equal respect?” He said: “Of course.” He said: “Then no (I will not do it).”- (Sunan An-Nasa’i)
It is also an ascertained fact that comparison and unjust treatment often lead to low self-esteem in children. It may also foster an inferiority complex in them and generate a feeling of hatred for their siblings. Hence, it is best to treat all your children in the same manner.
5. Providing Food and Shelter to your Children
Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, in a hadith in Al-Bukhari said, “All of you are herdsmen. Just as a herdsman protects his herd, so you too should protect your households.”
It is the duty of parents to provide their children with the support they need, both physically and emotionally. You should provide them with food, house, clothes and good education. Since your kids will grow to become men and women of this community, it is your duty to nurture them in a healthy environment.
